Alright everyone, sharpen your machetes and clean your shotguns. It looks like Florida has decided to become a breeding ground for the flesh-hungry undead.
No, but seriously. Here I am, just chilling and studying up for my exams next week and my cousin calls me, flipping her proverbial shit. She reads me a few articles and I browse about on Google, and from what I can gather, this is what went down:
Two days ago, a little after 2pm in Miami, Florida, police responded to a 911 call about two naked men fighting in a bike path. The victim, a homeless man, had his face torn to shreds by the apparent Zombie. The man had his nose torn off, most of the flesh on his face devoured and one of his eyeballs eaten. The officer who responded to the call told the man to back away, but the Zombie growled at him and returned to his meal. He was unresponsive to being shot five times in the chest before being shot a sixth time in the head which was when he finally went down. Reports say he was glassy eyed and his skin was discolored. The official report is that he was on drugs.
The logical and most plausible way that this happened was the guy was on drugs and flipped out. It’s not uncommon, really. Drugs to crazy things to your head, even allowing you to get shot and not give a damn.
But the little zombie obsessed fan inside me wants to break out the crank-power radio and hide myself away with internet, ammo, and my grandparents’ downstairs stockpile of food. I’m hugging my zombie pillow pet, affectionately called Norman, for dear life and wondering if the next time I set eyes upon his fluffy, soft, adorable face I will staring into the wall-eyed expression of the enemy. This story is blowing the hell up like nothing I’ve ever seen. I don’t even think Kim Kardashian’s divorce got this much coverage, and I didn’t even follow that.
But in all honesty, a full-scale zombie apocalypse is highly unlikely. There may be a big breakout, but I feel like it would be contained nearly instantaneously. There isn’t much reason to panic, because there are so many prepared Zombie fans in the world and lots of idiots with shotguns filled to the brim with ammo. Plus, we have a military. And police. And that doesn’t hurt much either.
More to come. I really need a shower. And time to draw up a zombie survival plan.
Horror Reviews for Your Parents 